Lohocla's Mother of All Burps
(Alteration)

Range:  0
Components:  V, S
Duration:  Instantaneous
Casting Time:  5
Area of Effect:  10?50?50-foot wedge
Saving Throw:  Special

Another odd spell supposedly from Lohocla. Like Lohocla's Deadly Bottle Rockets, this spell requires the caster to be intoxicated. Why the caster must be intoxicated is better understood with this spell given its effect, but it is still a strange requirement. In any case, Lohocla put much power in this spell in hopes that drunken wizards can still kick some butt in bar room brawls or anywhere else.
An unusual (and disgusting) spell, this spell cannot be cast unless the caster is under the influence of alcohol (in a state of slight, moderate, or great intoxication). Of course, the wizard generally doesn't go adventuring while drunk, so this becomes a big hindrance if not useless unless the wizard is an alcoholic. On the other hand, it can be a real benefit when the wizard goes to a place knowing full well that he will become intoxicated. Mainly, because the chance of spell failure is zero in the case of this spell (note that the chance of spell failure is still there for all other spells). This becomes very valuable because the wizard can get intoxicated, with all the problems it entails, and always have a memorised spell that will work (especially when greatly intoxicated when the percentage chance of spell failure is 100%).
The burp is in the form of a strong fan-shaped puff of nauseous vapours (described later) originates from the wizard's mouth and moves in the direction he is facing. The force of this "gust of wind" (about 30 miles per hour) is sufficient to extinguish candles, torches, and similar unprotected flames. It causes protected flames - such as those of lanterns - to dance widely and has a 5% chance per level of experience of the caster to extinguish even such lights. It also fans large fires outward 1d6 feet in the direction of the wind's movement. It forces back small flying creatures 1d6?10 yards and causes man-sized beings to be held motionless if attempting to move against its force. It slows larger-than-man sized flying creatures by 50% for one round. It blows over light objects, disperses most vapours, and forces away gaseous or unsecured levitating creatures.
The burp doesn't have a nice fresh air scent. Instead, it contains nauseous vapours. Any creature caught within the wedge must roll a successful saving throw versus poison or be reeling and unable to attack because of the nausea for 1d10 rounds. Those who make a successful saving throw are not affected.
Anybody caught in the wedge of wind may become deaf because of the burp. A person becomes totally deaf and unable to hear any sounds. The victim is allowed a saving throw versus spell. An affected creature has a -1 penalty to its surprise rolls unless its other senses are unusually keen. Deafened spellcasters have a 20% chance to miscast any spell with a verbal component.
Non-magical objects of crystal, glass, ceramic, or porcelain, such as vials, bottles, flasks, jugs, windows, mirrors, etc. caught in the burp's force are smashed into a dozens of pieces. Objects weighing more than one pound per level of the caster are not affected, but all other objects of the appropriate composition must save versus crushing blow or be shattered. Crystalline creatures usually suffer 1d6 points of damage per caster level to a maximum of 6d6, with a saving throw versus spell for half damage.
Don't forgot to say "Excuse me" after the spell is over.

